Navigating Generosity and Self-Interest - An Arabic Saying
In the Arabic saying, "إذا أكرمت الكريم ملكته وإذا أكرمت اللئيم تمردا" (translated as "If you honor a generous person, you gain their loyalty, but if you honor a mean person, you may face rebellion"), we find a profound lesson about human nature and the complexity of character. This lesson is aptly illustrated in a story that delves into the nuances of generosity, self-interest, and the potential for change.
The Story:
The story begins with a man who wished to marry the daughter of a pious man. The girl's father agreed to the marriage but set an unusual dowry—a simple bag of onions. The man was bewildered by this seemingly modest dowry, but he agreed to it. The marriage took place, and the father blessed their union with this unique dowry.
A year later, the girl expressed a desire to visit her family and introduce her newborn child to them. Her husband agreed to accompany her on the journey. To reach her family's home, they had to cross a river. As they attempted to cross, the girl stumbled and fell into the water. In distress, she called out to her husband for help, to which he heartlessly replied, "Save yourself! What's your worth but a bag of onions?"
However, fate had other plans. God did not abandon the girl in her time of need. He sent help to rescue her and safely return her to her family's home.
Upon her return, she narrated the entire incident to her father, who was understandably displeased with the husband's heartless behavior. In response, the father issued a stern decree: "Take your child and never return unless you bring with you a bag of gold."
Determined to reunite with his wife and child, the husband embarked on a long and arduous journey to amass the required bag of gold. He toiled tirelessly for years until he finally collected the gold.
Returning to his wife's family with the substantial dowry, he was permitted to bring her back home. As they journeyed back, they once again faced the river crossing. This time, when the wife prepared to step into the water, her husband swiftly carried her on his back, proclaiming, "My beloved, you are precious. Your dowry is breaking my back, for I paid in gold."
Upon hearing this, the father of the girl burst into laughter and remarked, "When we treated him based on our nature, he deceived us. But when we treated him based on his nature, he was truthful." Thus, the saying was born: "If you honor a generous person, you gain their loyalty, but if you honor a mean person, you may face rebellion."
Lessons Learned:
The story imparts several profound lessons:
Complexity of Human Nature: The tale beautifully illustrates the intricate nature of human character. People are not easily defined as entirely generous or mean, and their actions can be influenced by circumstances and self-interest.
Consistency in Character: It emphasizes the importance of evaluating individuals based on their consistent actions and motivations over time. The husband's initial ungenerous act defined his character until he consistently demonstrated a change through his actions.
Self-Interest Motivation: The story highlights that the husband's transformation, motivated by a substantial dowry, serves as a realistic portrayal of how self-interest can influence behavior. It suggests that, in some cases, character change may be driven more by external factors than inner growth.
Assumptions and Reality: The father's response to the husband's behavior reflects the lesson of treating people based on their true nature rather than preconceived notions. When the husband's true character was revealed through his actions, it led to a more accurate assessment.
Nuance in Relationships: The story underscores the nuances of relationships and the potential for transformation. It suggests that while character change is possible, it may not always be driven by love and may instead result from external motivations.
In conclusion, the story and the Arabic saying remind us of the complexity of human nature and the need to evaluate individuals based on their consistent behavior and motivations. They caution against making assumptions about character transformation and emphasize the importance of considering both inner growth and external influences in understanding human actions and relationships.
